I Remember, Nami
by AshleyTrecartin
Summary: After a tragedy strikes the Straw Hat crew, Zoro's having trouble getting through life. Song fic based off the song Lucy by Skillet.


If you don't like the death of a main character then you shouldn't read this; especially if you're a ZoNa fan, because of what happens in this story. If you've ever heard this song before then you can kind of get an idea of what's going to happen before you get too far into it. You've been warned.

* * *

Zoro sighed and looked out the front of the ship, had it really been a year already? He couldn't believe how quickly time had gone by, how easily he'd forgotten yet remembered at the same time. Noting felt like it was real anymore, he felt like he was in a dream, like at any moment he would wake up and things would go back to the way they were before his life had ended in the blink of an eye…before her life had ended. Closing his eyes he let the wind whip over his face, hoping the slight stinging of the cold air would wake him up though he knew it was pointless. There was nothing that would wake him up from this nightmare and he was going to have to live with this for the rest of his life. Nothing could ever bring her back, and the sad truth of the matter was that he hadn't been able to tell her the one thing he'd wanted to before she left them. Sanji of course had been devastated, it didn't matter which of the two it was, had either of them gone he would have balled his eyes out; and he had. Luffy had been…furious, depressed, and heartbroken all at the same time. Zoro's heart went out to the captain. He'd been like her younger brother, always knowing that if he didn't know what to do she would. It was his decision to go back on the one year anniversary, so they could all pay their respects to her. Zoro was alone on the ship, it looked as though everyone else had gone ashore already, and that was just fine with him. He wanted to be alone when he went to see her; he wanted to be alone with her, since he never got the chance before. He would wait until they all came back, and then he would go to her. Spill his heart out to her and tell her everything he'd never have the chance to. "…Nami."

_Hey Lucy I remember your name._

The darkness had settled in over the island and while everyone was back at the ship, enjoying whatever Sanji had prepared for dinner; Zoro was walking down the street that would take him to her. Take him to where he could be alone with her. That was all he wanted. He'd been so numb since it happened, that he hoped this would make things easier on him. Maybe he could get some closure here. Though he doubted it. Slowly pushing the gates open and cringing at the noise their rusted hinges made he slowly walked down the cobble walkway that had been set up for visitors. He looked at all the stones, looking at all of the people they were in memory of and swallowed down the bile that rose in the back of his throat as the reality of how real this actually was settled low in the pit of his stomach. He didn't want to do this. He didn't want to see the confirmation that she was really gone. He didn't think he'd be able to handle it; especially when his eyes started to sting. He finally came to a stop, in the back of the yard, underneath a mikan tree that was staring to lose all of its leaves. Slowly, almost painfully he knelt down and slowly brushed the leaves away so he could read the name in front of him as a tight cord wrapped around his heart and a vide choked him. He didn't want this…oh god, he didn't want to see this. As the name was revealed to him the hand that was gripping the red roses tightened and he knew that he probably had snapped the stems in half. Why did it have to be her?

_I left a dozen roses on your grave today. I'm in the grass on my knees wipe the leaves away._

Under all the leaves he'd pushed away there was a simple black marker and in beautiful calligraphic letters was her name. The true testament that this was real, that this wasn't a dream, and that there was no way he was ever going to see her again. Unable to stop it and not wanting to, he felt his eyes start to water as soft tears started to fall from his eyes. Had it been anyone else he would have denied them, but this was her, she was the only one he'd ever spill tears for, the only one he'd ever show a weakness for. Zoro held his head in his hand as his shoulders shook, the roses falling from his hand to land beside the marker on the ground. How could this be happening? "I'm so sorry," he choked out between sobs. "I promised you I'd never fail, and…I let you down." Zoro let his legs give out under him as he fell to the ground beside her, leaning against the trunk of the tree. He figured he needed this; he needed to talk to her, even if it was too late.

"Do you remember all the times you had to sew me up before we met Chopper? I miss that…your hands were always so soft," he whispered into the stillness of the night. The tears just kept coming and it didn't look like there was any end to them, so he kept talking, kept forcing the words out. "I'm so sorry, I never wanted to make that mistake…I love you. I just wish it wasn't too late to tell you." He sighed and tried to wipe the tears from his eyes but it wasn't worth it since they kept coming. "Oh god, I love you. I know there's no point in me saying this now, but I want you back. I would do anything if I could just see you again, if I could just have the chance to tell you this."

_I just came to talk for a while, got some things that I need to say._

Zoro let his head fall back against the hard wood of the tree, letting it bite into his scalp, the pain letting him know he was alive. He just wished he wasn't; he just couldn't see the point in going on without her. He knew that deep down he would give his life to give her another chance, especially since it was his fault she fell in the first place. He'd sworn to always protect her, to keep her out of danger, and he'd failed her. There was no one to blame but himself that he'd lost her forever. Through the tears he managed a smile. He knew now that what they said was true, you never know what you have until it's gone, and you can't get it back. He never would have thought that he could love her, not until she was lying in his arms, bleeding, crying, begging him to help her, to somehow anchor her to this world, and all he could do was sit there and hold her against his chest, rocking her and trying to sooth her as best he could. She'd died in his arms, because he couldn't protect her like he'd always promised her he would. He'd had to take her lifeless body back to Luffy and try to explain what was going on, but he hadn't been able to. When he got back to the ship with her, he'd gently set her down on the deck, and punched the mast so hard it'd splintered. He then went on a rampage, destroying anything in his path. He'd gone back to the island and taken out several trees before everything had hit him and he'd just collapsed in the middle of settling smoke and fallen trees. It'd hit him harder when he went back to the ship and she was still there, everyone crying, and her lifeless body cold, unmoving…he'd wanted to kill himself.

_Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her. I'd give up the world to see that little piece of heaven looking back at me._

Zoro looked down at the grave and took a deep breath, trying to regain his composure before he went back to the ship and the others. He didn't want them to see him like this. But oh god, he wanted to just stay here all night. He didn't want to leave her. Zoro had never been one to show emotions, he saw them as a sign of weakness, but for her, he'd cry a river and drown in it if she only asked him to. He wished that he could go back in time, hold her close and look into her soft eyes. He hated that the last image of her in his head was her lying in his arms, dying. He wished he could change it all. This wasn't what he wanted. He slowly lay down beside the grave and rested his hand over her name as he closed his eyes. This was the only way that he could ever be with her, the closest thing he was ever going to get to holding her. He knew that if he had the chance he'd tell her how perfect she was, how every time he looked into her eyes he could see heaven smiling back at him. Out of nowhere the tears started coming again as he started whispering everything he'd ever wanted to say to her.

_Now that it's over I just wanna hold her I've gotta live with the choices I made and I can't live with myself today._

Ten months later, Zoro was right back into his own world, thinking about all of the things that he could have done before he'd let her down; especially today of all days; Nami's birthday. He sighed and thought back, she'd be twenty-one today. Robin seemed to sense that something was going on, because she found him in the crow's nest, sitting alone, not even bothering to touch his weights, though he was seriously considering pushing himself to the point of passing out; that way he wouldn't have to deal with today. He could just sleep through it. Then again, he knew that if he did that he'd wake up tomorrow feeling worse. He needed to face this, and force himself to get through it. When Robin walked in she gave him a sympathetic look and leaned against the wall. "Swordsman-san?" she asked looking at him through thick lashes. He glanced at her but he didn't say anything.

_They said it'd bring some closure to say your name._

Robin moved into the room and sat down beside Zoro on the couch. "You miss her, don't you?" she asked, not really needing an answer from him. She smiled a little and reclined against the back of the sofa. Zoro glanced at her; she was the oldest one amongst the crew, so he knew she was probably smarter than the rest of them when it came to something like this. Maybe whatever she had to say would help him…but after he thought about it, the only thing that would help him would be to get her back. She sighed and stared out the window. "We all handle pain in a different way, but it's coming up on the second anniversary, maybe if you said her name, out loud, you'd feel a little better."

Zoro looked at her, not sure that doing that was the best thing for him right now, but it was worth a shot. He sighed and leaned his head back, staring at the very plain, but all of a sudden, interesting ceiling. "I don't know Robin…when we were there…actually there…" he sighed and swore to himself that he was not going to let Robin see him cry. He'd managed to keep that a secret from everyone so far, and he'd rather keep it that way. "I just miss her…miss…Nami," he sighed, choking out her name through a tongue gone dry and a throat gone tight.

_I know I'd do it all different if I had the chance, but all I got are these roses to give and they can't help me make amends._

That evening, at sunset, they were all at the bow of the ship, Zoro holding a dozen wine red roses in his hand. They were planning on letting the roses go into the ocean, but for some reason, Zoro felt like this was going to be his last goodbye to her. He knew that somewhere in the back of his mind that he would never go back to her grave that he would never again acknowledge her birthday, her name, nothing. After today, they would never speak of her again. He walked up to the very edge and looked down at the water, up at the fading sun, out to the horizon, then back at the roses in his hand. He wanted to cry, laugh, scream his pain out to the stars and beg them to take it away from him. But nothing was going to change how he felt. How he knew that she was gone because this was his fault. He looked back at the water and slowly let the roses fall into the clear blue water, tainted red by the fading sun out on the horizon. After everyone else had gone, left him alone staring out at the roses, lingering near the ship, he whispered, "Goodbye, my love."

_Now that it's over I just wanna hold her I'd give up all the world to see, that little piece of heaven looking back at me._

Zoro walked into the storage room where all of his weights were kept, since no one ever went down there but him, he could hide things without fear, and he'd hid her wanted poster in there. Luffy had ordered that everything even close to resembling her be taken from the ship, even the mikan grove that had been with them since they left her home village so many years ago. But Zoro had kept this, he needed to. He knew that if he couldn't see her once in a while, he'd go crazy.

_Now that it's over I just wanna hold her I've gotta live with the choices I made and I can't live with myself today._

That night, Zoro experienced a bittersweet dream. He was lying a bed, his arms stretched out like a warrior sleeping on his back, fast asleep, but still aware of all his surroundings. Slowly, a body slid into the bed with him, two slender, smooth thighs slid on the side of his hips as two soft hands rested on his chest. Slowly Zoro opened his eyes and looked up at the face of an angel. He didn't know what to say, instead he just looked up at her, taking in everything he saw and committing it to memory so he might have something better to remember than her covered in her own blood. She didn't say anything as she slowly lay her body down on his, resting her head against his chest.

_Here we are now you're in my arms, I never wanted anything so bad._

Zoro wrapped his arms around her, his fingers lightly threading through his hair as his emotions started to run rampant inside of him. His joy at being able to see her again, she still looked like the angel he remembered. Soft beautiful skin, long soft hair that shone with a shine that looked like gold, her soft eyes filled with love and compassion.

His anger because he knew this was just a dream and that when he woke up, she would be gone, back in the cold ground, away from everything beautiful, and he would be alone.

His sorrow because he knew that it wouldn't matter what he said here, that she would never know how he felt, how much he really loved her.

_Here we are for a brand new start, living the life that we could of had._

She lifted her head slowly and looked up at him with those taupe eyes. "Talk to me, Zoro," she said softly.

He looked at her and he wasn't sure where they came from, but the words started coming out of him like someone had dug way down deep inside of him and ripped them out, letting them spill out of him like a flood.

"You have no idea how much I love you, I just wish I could have said that before…before it happened. I hate being on this ship without you, I hate living without you. There's just no point. Every day I have to wake up and know that I'm never going to see your face again, know that I'm never going to get to hear you smile, smell your strawberry shampoo on the breeze, feel the slap of your hot temper. I'll never get to enjoy any of that again." He cupped her face in his hand and brushed her skin with his thumb. "I know this is all my fault, I couldn't protect you, couldn't save you." He growled and looked away from her. "What really hurts the most is knowing that this is just a dream and I'm going to wake up from it."

_Me and Lucy walking hand in hand, me and Lucy never wanna end._

"I don't want this to end. I love you, Nami."

She smiled and leaned down, her lips softly brushing over his cheeks, slowly moving up to his eyes, kissing away the tears he wasn't even aware he was crying. "I'll always be with you, Zoro, nothing can ever truly take me away from you." She said softly, moving her lips down slowly to his, kissing him softly, drawing his breath from his lungs as her taste exploded in his mouth, sending his system racing, trying to keep up. His hands slowly wrapped around her, pulling her closer to him. But before he had enough she slowly pulled away from him, smiling down at him. "I have to go," she whispered.

_Just another moment in your eyes, I'll see you in another life, in heaven, where we never say goodbye._

His grip around her tightened. "No, please," he pleaded with her, pleading with those soft brown eyes. "Don't leave me, not yet." He felt like his whole world was falling apart at the seams all over again. How could he let her leave him now? He'd just gotten her back, he wasn't ready to let go, he wasn't ready to say goodbye. "Nami, please," he begged again. She smiled and kissed him softly.

He felt it, felt everything swallow him up at once, felt the weight of the world slammed down on his shoulders as she pulled away from him. She didn't leave him though, she moved to the side of him, molding her body into his. Zoro turned and wrapped his arms around her; needing to feel her body close to his, needing to hear her soft breath, hear her heartbeat next to his. He needed her back with him, he didn't know how he was going to wake up in the morning and deal with the loss of her after this, but as long as he has this moment to remember, he knew he'd be alright.

_Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her, I'd give up all the world to see, that little piece of heaven looking back at me._

Nothing was going to take her away from him now, even if he had to sleep for the rest of his life, as long as he could find her, he didn't care. Unfortunately the dream ended too soon and he was back in the crow's nest, alone, with only the cold metal of his weights for company. He sighed and looked out at the sunrise that was starting to come up. It was such a clear morning and the sun was so orange he actually thought it looked like her hair. Her soft hair that just moments ago had been cascading down his naked chest. He could still feel her lingering touch against him, her breath as it tickled his neck.

_Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her, I've gotta live with the choices I made, and I can't live with myself today._

He stood and walked over to the window, leaning against it as he watched the sun slowly come up. Out of nowhere he felt like Nami was in the room with him, her arms slowly wrapping around his chest as she laid her head against his bad, and for a minute he thought he could hear her voice, whispering his name. He shook his head, he must be going crazy.

_Me and Lucy walking hand in hand, me and Lucy never wanna end. I've gotta live with the choices I made but I can't live with myself today._

Sighing he grabbed his shirt and made his way down to the deck, looking through the ship, trying to find something that might help him make it through the days. When he reached the food cellar he quietly snuck inside, not wanting to alert Sanji, and started looking through the food he had stored away there. "Got 'cha," he whispered as he pulled out a bag of mikans. Taking one Zoro headed back up to the deck and climbed on top of the giant lion's head jutting forth from the ship. Reclining back and watching the sunrise he started to peel the skin away from the fruit.

_Hey Lucy I remember your name._

"Love you, Nami."

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If this doesn't make you cry, then I don't know what I'm doing wrong because I cried while writing this. I know Zoro is a little OC in this particular story, but I thought it fit well, and since he's alone and no one can see him I figured it would be okay. I know that some people won't like this because of Nami's death, but I didn't want to write out what actually happen to her, so I skipped to where she had already died. I've been wanting to write this for a while, but _I Would do Anything for Love_ kept getting in the way of this, because I learned that if I don't stick to one story at a time, then I'll never get anything finished.


End file.
